Savage Love - Episode 434

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Synopsis: Dan fields questions about from both ends of the low libido relationship spectrum, councils a man with a friend deep in the closet, and struggles to allay the worries of a woman in a May/September romance.

Upshot: A fully adequate episode. Only two of the five calls are particularly interesting, but, as always, Dan handles their questions with panache.

Full review after the jump:

It’s difficult to review the Savage Love Cast because in many respects it’s probably the most consistent podcast out there. This is episode 434 and I remember being among the very first to listen to episode 1. Dan is always biting and funny, but he’s also pretty consistent. There have been a few times in the past years when I’ve thought about calling him with a sex or relationship question but given the time I’ve spent ingesting his advice, I felt as if I could predict his advice to each of my quandaries.

So the Savage Love Cast sits as probably the foremost of my comfort listening podcasts. It rarely interests or titillates any more, which is saying something considering the content. But at this point Dan Savage feels like an old reliable friend.

Dan starts out the podcast with a predictable rant about Kansas governor Sam Brownback and the Arkansas love of 50 Shades of Grey.

1^st Question: A recently child having woman finds herself with no libido but is also anguished by the idea of her husband having sex with another woman.

Dan’s Response: He encourages her to stop thinking about things in terms of what’s “fair” and start thinking of things in terms of “what’s the best choice for the ultimate goal”. He advises her to enact a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” arrangement between her and her husband.

2^nd Question: A poly guy finds that many single girls are unwilling to hook up with him once they find out he’s already happily partnered. “It fucking sucks!”

Dan’s Response: First he points out how hard the world must be for a straight white man, before pointing out that many people who engage in random hookups secretly hope that they might turn into lasting relationships, which helps to explain why single women steer clear of a man already taken. Dan suggests seeking out women on a poly dating site, while admitting it’s going to be a long waiting line. Funny, I didn’t realize women were equivalent to roller coasters…

3^rd Question: A guy whose work colleague is both obviously closeted and also the recent victim of a assault that occurred during a blind date. The caller is annoyed that he can’t talk to his friend openly about the circumstance of the attack, because the man is too ashamed to admit his own sexuality.

Dan’s Advice: He says it’s important to note that the attack doesn’t have anything to do with his “gayness” because attacks like that can happen to heteros too. He needs to give his friend sympathy and not force anything right now. He suggests he purchase the book God and the Gay Christian and give it to his friend, and if he finds it that difficult to be around the friend, then don’t hang around him.

4^th Question – A gay guy who’s hard up financially wants to do some light porn work (I have to admit I don’t know what light porn work looks like, but that’s probably saying more about my tastes than the caller). His husband is up in arms over it, but not for the reasons you might suspect. The husband is jealous because he tried out for the same company and didn’t make the cut. What does Dan advise this guy to do about his hyper competitive hubby?

Dan’s Advice: He predicts that the relationship won’t be long for the world if the hubby doesn’t stop being so insecure and immature. There are benefits to dating people different than you, and that you shouldn’t want to date your twin.

5^th Question – A guy’s wife has no libido, but she’s game enough to have begrudging sex with him once a week. She does this finds the idea of being monogamish an anathema, but obviously this isn’t a great way of getting your rocks off.

Dan’s Advice: Live in hope, and if the opportunity arises to have a clandestine encounter with another willing partner, take it and don’t tell the wife.

6^th Question – A lesbian is having a May/December romance and is freaked out by how much older she is to her new lover.

Dan’s advice: Quoting him directly: "Don’t look a gift lesbian horse in the lesbian horse vagina."